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  • Writer's pictureEstefania Mitre

I might be infertile… now what?

A woman's life is full of expectations, from becoming a teacher, chef, or -- any other barbie profession I grew up watching -- to bearing children.

I am 22 years old, getting married and pregnant is not among my top priorities. Though, as soon as my doctor said, “you might need treatment if you want to get pregnant…it does not mean you are infertile… for now.” Three thousand scenarios crossed my mind. I could not even process the rest of her “lecture” as she tried to explain my condition and what type of blood test she will schedule for my upcoming visits.

It felt as though time stopped, just as in the scenes of melodramatic movies. A close-up in my face takes over the full screen; the doctor, with a blurry effect, keeps talking as the camera captures each breath that keeps getting shorter each second.

I don’t want to carry this burden. I am still young; I should be happy, no? No more pregnancy scares.

Why do I overthink everything?

Do I ask her if I should keep worrying about it?

The wake-up moment.-- “Do you have any questions?”

I said the answer any inexperienced 22-year-old woman who barely goes to the doctor would say -- “NO.”

Even when my ovaries resemble the inside of a pomegranate, she says I should not panic… and, for some reason, compares my situation to suffering from appendicitis. I didn’t understand her analogy.

The doctor tried to hype me up, but her tone suggested otherwise. I would not delay any testing; there is something wrong and needs to be fixed.

As she gathered all my medical records at the beginning of the visit, I asked her if she could recommend contraceptives based on my needs and convenience. She seemed excited; as soon as she saw my ultrasound and my body laid in the chair, and a stick with a camera inside my uterus, her tone became more serious.

We didn’t speak about contraceptives. What’s the point, right?

My uterus is full of polyps, the root of the problem remains unknown until the first-second week of May.

Additionally, my ovaries are bigger than a “normal” size, which is also concerning and an indication of abnormality.

Full disclosure, this condition or conditions are not related to my Covid-19 vaccination. My period has been pretty consistent ever since I got inoculated. I’ve carried hormonal conditions almost since I got my first period.

At the age of 14, I had cysts in my ovaries and underwent hormonal treatment consisting of contraceptive pills daily up until my 15th birthday. Didn’t stay consistent, though. After that, I never went back to my doctor’s office.

On my way back, I broke into tears. Why? Am I scared this could escalate? Is being infertile makes me less woman? Why does this mean to my future? Am I only scared because I don’t know how to process the huge amount of information my doctor threw at me?

All I could think was to head to the gym, I needed to release my stress and confusion somehow, and talking was not going to help me. I need a moment to step back and piece together all the puzzle pieces.

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